Maggi is lying in the hall with the doormat digging into her forehead wondering how did I get here did I fall asleep.
What happened was Amy walked out of the front door of her mother�s house and back to her own flat and back to Mali her three year old son, leaving Maggi leaning against the banister to keep herself upright and thinking I�d go to bed but I can�t face the climb, and wondering will she go to Australia, I doubt it.
Maggi was leaning against the banister and then a blueberry muffin came into her head. She had one earlier and she fancies another. On top of all that wine, Maggi, it�s not a good idea. I know but I�d kill for a blueberry muffin just now. She was leaning on the banister having this dialogue with herself, and she must have slipped, or slowly sunk, she must have fallen slowly to the ground without being aware of exactly how, without realising it. And so there she is on the ground, with the mat sticking in her forehead, with coconut matting poking her in the eye, and she can feel the draft coming from under the front door.
Pissed, pissed again, Maggi, you have to sort it out.
Maggi didn�t set out to get pissed, it had crept up on her.
It�s Thursday, it�s not even a weekend, and she has work to do tomorrow adding up figures and putting books in order. She calls herself a bookkeeper. She has no letters after her name but she has a loyal clientele of small businesses. She doesn�t charge them a lot and she�s reliable. Maggi spent five years as the administrative heartbeat of her husband Rick�s expanding security empire protecting the property and persons of rich Arabs. She picked the bookkeeping up as she went along, and when he buggered off and left her without warning after twenty one years of marriage, and she needed to earn a living, the skills came in handy. Rick left her the house. That�s it, Mags, he said, that�s your lot, you�re not getting another penny out of me. What about your police pension, she thought, he was pensioned out of the police with a bad back, I ought to be entitled to a bit of that, but she didn�t pursue it.
Maggi hasn�t had a bottle in the house for weeks, but she has birthday coming up, she�s almost forty seven, and her age is on her mind as she passes the off licence.
Another thing that�s on her mind as she drives by the off licence is the trouser suit, the one she tried on last night and ended up ripping to bits.
On Wednesday evening Maggi had taken a fish and chip supper home, and followed it up with a couple of slices of chocolate chip cheesecake with cream. A while later, about nine o�clock, she found herself in her bedroom. There are mirrors all along one wall, you pull them back and there are drawers and hanging space, it�s cunningly done, and Maggi is stark naked examining herself in the mirrors. She moves a couple of doors and angles them, she shifts a mirror from the bathroom and props it against the bed so between all the mirrors she can see back and front and side. And she asks herself, she says be honest with yourself, girl, what do you see. And one bit of her is saying you�re fat Maggi you�re so fat and ugly, but then she thinks I don�t know in the right clothes and made up you might not be too bad, why not try it on. She bought this trouser suit at Christmas, how long ago, about four months. It looks good on you, you carry it well, the assistant said. It was a line, she knew that, but the suit fitted in the shop more or less. It was a bit tight but I can lose a few pounds if I have to she thought. She brought it home and left it in its box. It was still in the tissue, she�d never dared. But on Wednesday evening in her bedroom in front of the mirrors she was thinking I can�t feel any worse than I do, give it a go, why not try it on. It�s silk. She loves silk, it�s like sex, it feels like sex. She looks at the trouser suit spread out on the bed and she paints her nails and does her face and then she tries climbing into it. But she can�t get near it, the jacket won�t do up, she pulls it across her middle and a button comes off, and then she tries sitting down it rips right up the arse. So she takes a pair of scissors to it - I might as well I can�t take it back now after four months - and by the time she�s finished the trouser suit is like bunting, hanging from her fingers in shreds, which is a bit of satisfaction at least.
She�s driving by the off licence. She�s made a little detour, it isn�t strictly on her way home. There happens to be a parking spot and no one on her tail so she pulls in without hassle. One bottle will do. There�s a lot of Spanish she doesn�t recognise with attractive labels the labels can be better than the wine it�s hard to choose. I�ll have that one, she thinks, but she keeps on looking and before you know it she has a bottle in each hand. She goes back for a basket and she�s thinking what if Sean comes to dinner on Sunday, a couple of bottles won�t go far, so she finishes up with six. It�s half a case, she can get ten per cent off, it makes more sense.
What are you doing, Maggi?
Just a glass or two.
She doesn�t start straight in on the wine. She knows better than to drink on an empty stomach. She lines herself with a jam doughnut and then another, and something called a fresh cream bannoffee tart that was on special offer, three for two, it tastes better than it sounds.
She�s watching Graham Norton. The first bottle�s finished and she goes in the kitchen for the second. She forgets the corkscrew, she has to go back for it. And she�s had a few sips from the second bottle, she�s had a glass, and she�s lolling on her settee, feeling shagged, watching Graham Norton on DVD. The big-arsed poof is putting it on, running up and down the aisles mincing around winding the audience up, doing things with his microphone. He�s talking to a girl, he has the microphone right up to his mouth. She�s like a twig and she�s standing on one leg and she has the other one behind her ear. It�s her party piece. So what, it�s not even interesting, she looks deformed. Maggi nods off.
She nods off and the next thing she�s dreaming about Amy. Amy�s in her allotment. Amy has this allotment she took on so she can grow her own vegetables. Do you know they fly beans in from Africa, they fly food from all over, where�s the sense in that. She has a point. But you�re going to grow all your own food, Amy, I�ll believe it when I see it. Amy�s in her allotment, and so is Maggi for some reason, it�s not likely she�s only been there once out of politeness, and Amy�s dashing up and down the rows of carrots and beans, she�s splattered in mud, she has mud over her face, and she�s yanking vegetables out of the ground for all she�s worth. Slow down girl Maggi�s saying to her, this isn�t like you, rushing about. Then all of a sudden Amy breaks off what she�s doing and starts shouting. Ants, ants, mind the ants, don�t tread on the ants. What ants, I can�t see any ants, girl. You�re killing the ants don�t you think ants have feelings, ants have feelings the same as you, ants have a right to live. Amy�s against killing anything at all under any circumstances, she says just the sight of meat makes her want to throw up, she has plastic shoes, she has a plastic blue suede leather jacket, she says meat�s murder, you can�t even feel comfortable with a fish pate around Amy.
And then, still in her dream, Amy is standing in front of Maggi and holding out a hand as though she wants Maggi to look, as though she has something in it, an ant maybe. But no, there�s nothing, her hand is empty. What�s she doing this for. And then the clouds lift, she wants money. Do you have a spare hundred by any chance, mother. It�s not for me, I wouldn�t ask but it�s for Mali your little grandson. Well done Amy, you don�t disappoint.
Then Maggi�s awake and the television�s off and Amy�s standing over her dangling a wine bottle in each hand.
Hello, Amy, I was just dreaming about you.
I thought you�d stopped.
Where�s the little man. Didn�t you bring him with you?
You said you�d stopped.
I nearly have. It�s just a little lapse.
Amy�s giving Maggi a look that says drink yourself to death if you want to mother I give up I gave up on you some time ago. She�s giving her a look that says - say it if you want to Amy get it off your chest you�ll feel better for it � it says do you wonder he went off, the state you get in. Well that�s all you know, girl, and how much do see of your father now, not a lot, a phone call when he remembers, is that down to me, I don�t think so. The drinking had nothing to do with it, he left me for a nice young girl with firm tits who took a size ten, I couldn�t compete with that Amy, could I, be reasonable.
Where�s the little man, Amy.
The girl upstairs is sitting with him for an hour.
Don�t you want him to see his granny. Isn�t he allowed to, is he banned from his granny�s, that�s terrible Amy.
But Amy won�t be drawn. She�s on the floor now on the mat in front of the fire doing her cross-legged thing, you can�t touch me I�m calm calm calm, mother, provoke me all you like, it rolls off me like water.
To what do I owe this Amy, what do you want, can�t I get pissed in peace.
Amy has a flat round the corner her father bought her, not literally round the corner but only ten minutes even if she has Mali in tow. You might as well live the other side of the world girl for all I see of the two of you.
It�s a little flat but big enough, Mali has his own room. And there�s nothing to pay on it.
The flat came out of the blue. Rick arrived home one day and handed Amy the keys. Here you are, I�ve bought this flat, it�s yours if you want it. I�ll take you round to have a look after dinner, see what you think, you can move in at the weekend if you like. It had beds and chairs and pots and pans, he�d thought of everything. It was news to Maggi. Where did you get the money to buy a flat. He told her he had a little insurance policy that had paid out finally, he could do what he liked with his own money.
Amy thought it was her father being generous, but Maggi knew better. Rick was desperate to see the back of them, having Amy and Abdul around was driving him crazy. Amy had gone off on her travels and arrived back three months later with Abdul. Who is he, he�s Abdul, I met him, he wants to learn English, can he stay for a bit. What she didn�t say was that she�d married him, that came out later, which was a shock to both of them but more so to her father. Rick didn�t like foreigners much no matter who they were, but particularly Arabs. You don�t do business with them, Maggi, I do. The more Abdul smiled and tried to be pleasant the more Rick loathed him. He couldn�t bring himself to say his name, mostly it was just �him�, or �our little brown friend�. Amy and Abdul were all over each other all the time, you didn�t know where to look, they couldn�t keep their hands to themselves. Some days they didn�t bother to get up, they just stayed in bed doing whatever they were doing. After three months of this and with no sign of an end to it setting Amy up with a flat probably seemed cheap at the price.
A Moroccan waiter with a nice smile and not a lot of English wasn�t a long-term prospect. Abdul was off before the boy was born. He went out to buy a packet of cigarettes one morning after breakfast and that was the last Amy ever saw of him.
To what do I owe this, Amy, Maggi�s thinking. Is it purely a social visit, I doubt it.
Amy�s doing her performance on the Indian rug in front of the fire, she has her legs crossed under her and her back and shoulders straight, she�s concentrating on her breathing. She could be straight off the cover of a yoga book. You can�t touch me mother, I�m beyond you, I have inner peace, calm, calm, you ought to try it, you�re so stressed out.
What do you want, Amy?
Maggi senses there�s something in the air. She�s right. Amy has an announcement to make. She�s been building up to it for weeks. She�s been putting it off.
I�m going to Australia.
On holiday?
For good.
Just like that, with no warning.
Amy has decided she wants to be a princess, and Australia�s her best chance. Amy�s recently spent a weekend in a field near Doncaster with a group of other women and it�s had a big effect on her.
She saw an advert in The Big Issue. It said HOW COME WE CAN CURE CANCER AND HEART DISEASE AND WE CAN�T CURE DEPRESSION LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FIND HAPPINESS IN THE COMPANY OF LIKE-MINDED AND SUPPORTIVE WOMEN LIFE AFFIRMING AND TRANSFORMING WEEKENDS EMPOWERMENT FOR WOMEN OF ALL AGES and a telephone number.
This is what I need, she decided, the allotment is not enough, it helps but it�s not enough.
There were ten women and Amy on the weekend, and they did all kinds of things. There was a lot of hugging. They hugged each other several times, sometimes with their clothes on and sometimes without. And they dug a big hole with their hands in the ground and thanked the worms that prepared the ground for their fingers, thank you worms. And they took hold of their head, each person put their hands on top of their own head and reached inside their head right in where the thoughts are and they pulled out all the negative thoughts that were hiding there, Some of the negative thoughts didn�t want to come out but out they came. Then they took all these negative thoughts all their I am a bad person thoughts, all their I can�t do this and I can�t do that thoughts, and they threw the lot of them in the hole, and then they filled in the hole. That�s an end to them. And they danced round the fire all holding hands together looking up at the full moon and singing, I am happy, happy, happy, they sang, and where you go is where you are, they sang, and it�s never too late to be yourself, they sang, and other things. And they hugged each other. And there were soothing, healing oils. There was genko and sandalwood and so on. And Amy learned that happiness is not a blasphemy. Love yourself, she learned, you are not a frog, Amy, you are a princess, be number one in your own world.
Amy wants to be a princess but in England it�s impossible, in England she still feels like a frog. When it comes down to it England is a country full of frogs.
But Amy can�t explain all this to her mother. It would be a waste of time trying, Maggi wouldn�t understand.
So instead she says she�s going to Australia for Mali, she�s doing it for Mali�s sake, which is true up to a point. Mali needs to grow up in a country with a future, she wants him to grow up in a country where the sun shines in the summer and it�s not damp all year and the sea�s warm enough to swim in. England�s finished she says, it�s a thing of the past.
Maggi�s in shock. She�s sitting bolt upright on the edge of the settee, opening and closing her mouth, looking for the words.
Australia�s the other side of the world.
It�s not that far.
It�s the other side of the fucking world, I mean couldn�t you find anywhere further to go to, I mean if you went any further you�d fall off, you�d have to go into space. I mean does she hate me that much, my God I can�t believe this.
The flat�s already on the market. Two bedrooms one ensuite well maintained in a desirable location with the benefit of off road parking. There�s been a lot of interest already, in fact there�s been an offer.
There�s been an offer, but they want me out by the end of the month, that�s the only thing.
The end of the month! You�re talking about flying to Australia for ever in three weeks?
Of course not, it will be ages.
It could be two or three months, maybe more, before everything�s arranged, she�s looking at jobs, she has to sort a job out from this end � a job, am I hearing things, Maggi wonders, what kind of job exactly � but it�s a great offer on the flat, it�s more than the asking price, it�s too good to turn down.
Right, Amy, right, now I see.
Slowly slowly the penny begins to drop. That�s why she�s here, that explains it. You want to move in here with me into this house for three months or however long it takes till you�re ready to flit to Australia.
Amy�s thought it through. It�s a wonderful opportunity for Mali to bond with his grandmother and for them, Amy and Maggi, mother and daughter, to talk to each other, to get to know each other again properly, to have real conversations, it will be quality time all round.
And then you�re off to Australia with my only grandson and I�ll never ever see the little man again.
You�re being dramatic, mother.
You�ve been planning this for months and you�ve never said anything.
I wanted to be certain.
Amy�s stretching her back forward, her nose is almost on the ground, all you can see of her is back.
Amy you �you �Maggi can�t make the word. She staggers to her feet, bits of bannoffee tart and apple turnover scatter over the floor. She tries again. Amy you �you�re so selfish, it�s self, self, self with you. Hasn�t little Mal been messed about enough, I mean where�s his father, where�s his grandfather, at least I�m here for him.
Does Australia know what it�s getting, I don�t think so. Maggi is teetering round the room. What do you know about Australia, Amy, nothing, it�s not like the soaps, she�s been watching too many soaps, she�s been watching too much Olympics. Maggi is teetering about, her words are tumbling and bouncing off the walls. What�s she going to do in Australia, what�s she going to do for money, the flat won�t go far. You�re going to fix a job before you go Amy, you�re going to work in Australia, I don�t think so somehow, that won�t last long. What as, as a nurse, I don�t think so. You can be a nurse in England if you want, Amy, they�re crying out for nurses. She was a nurse, she did the training, then she packed it in. I can�t stand being around all that suffering and pain and ugliness, mother. Then she did a bit more nursing for an agency, then she packed that in too. Have they got social in Australia, probably they have. Is there social over there, Amy, I fucking hope so for your sake, because I�m not sending money to Australia, that�s it, you�re on your own, girl.
Maggi is going to give it to Amy full force in her ear, she�s going to bend down over her and bellow right at her � It won�t be any different at all in Australia you�ll still be you you�ll still be exactly the fucking same as you are.
But Amy�s not there, she�s in the doorway, headed for the hall.
And Maggi�s gone after her. She�s followed her out and she�s grabbing her hand and there are tears running down her cheeks and her nose is filled with snot and she�s saying sorry, Amy, sorry girl, come back and sit down. I�ll make a cup of tea, don�t go. And then she�s saying I won�t touch another drink, not a drop ever. I�ll make it up. And then she�s explaining about the trouser suit she tried on. I sat down in it and it split right up the arse. Amy has no idea what she�s talking about.
Maggi�s scrabbling about in her handbag fishing for money. There�s fifty pounds, fifty five, and some odd pence. Here Amy, take it, no, take it, it�s for Mal, he�s a treasure I love him to death, buy him something nice.
I�ll ring you, mother.
That�s it, girl, give me a tinkle. Come round Sunday with the boy for some dinner. I�ll do a roast.
I�m vegan, mother.
I�ll cook some vegetables.
Amy�s gone.
And Maggi�s lying in the hall with the doormat digging into her forehead, thinking will she go to Australia, I doubt it. She�s on the ground by the door with the coconut matting digging into her forehead, wondering how did I get here, did I fall asleep, and I�d like a blueberry muffin, a blueberry muffin would be nice just now, and I�d go to bed, but I can�t get up.
She�s on the ground with the coconut matting poking into her eye, and she can feel the draft from under the door, and she�s thinking I�ve known people who�ve gone to Australia and they�re back in a year, if she goes to Australia she won�t stop.
HABLE CON ELLA 
HAPPINESS
AMORES PERROS
CIDADE DE DEUS
ETRE
ET AVOIR
