NICK'S SHADOW

by
Mike Boyle

�That�s when Teddy�s ghost is on the roof, beatin� his drum.�

- Jim Carroll

I walked down to the bar I practically lived in for 5 years and they were still there. A year; I hadn�t been there in a year. Some people said, HEY and I went and sat by Wayne. Hey Wayne.

�Hey.�

�Where�s that girl, what�s her name?�

�Who?�

�That secretary you were with��

�Oh, her. She�s gone. Fuck it.�

Wayne didn�t ask me one damn thing about where I had been for a year which was good.

The band came on at 10 and sometime around midnight, when the band had finished its second set and were up there clowning a bit; the drummer edged up next to me, said hey, and ordered some beers.

�What do you call somebody that follows musicians around?� the singer said into the microphone.

Somebody yelled, �A groupie?�

�No,� the singer said.

�Fucker thinks he�s Stephen Tyler,� the drummer said to me.

�So I noticed,� I said.

�He�s pretty good.�

�You�re all pretty good.�

�Hey, thanks Tony. You guys still playing?�

�No,� I said while the singer went on about it for a bit and some people yelled things back like, a drug dealer?; their mothers?; debt collectors?

The drummer turned around, yelled, �A DRUMMER,� and the singer said, �YES!�

The drummer got beers for the band, paid and went back up there after telling me, �He knows how to work a crowd.�

I sat there. Back in the day, me and Wayne would be the first ones there Saturday morning. We�d tell each other lies how we were just gonna have a few bloody mary�s to get straight from the night before but always ended up drinking all day and into the night. The joke was, one more for the road. Haha, yeah, just one�

Ray came in all bright-eyed and whispered something to Wayne and Wayne got bright-eyed and told me.

�No,� I said.

�Come on, this place is beat.�

�Well, all right,� I said.

The singer nodded to me as we left and then did his Tyler dance a bit, had scarves around his neck, the audience sat there and looked.

We walked down the block to Broad St to some dinky apartment. Ray sold them some coke and they started making freebase. Ray and Wayne snorted a few lines. The junkie girl that owned the place had huge tracks up and down her arms. I knew Ray and her from way back; knew most of these fucks. Then I was back in the junkie girl�s bedroom and she was explaining things to me, putting things in perspective.

�I know you like the dope Tony,� she said.

�I�m off it and ain�t gonna get back on it,� I told her.

�Yeah, right. I have some good connections. You remember Jack?�

�Yeah.�

�He�s bringing the shit up from Baltimore, it�s good and cheap.�

�Well,� I said and left, went up the block to have a few beers at Al�s place. Al�s was one of those places you never went to unless you were already drunk. The blacks wanted to fuck with me and then, no, tried to sell me stuff.

�Al?� I said. �Cheeseburger.�

�The kitchen is closed.�

�Oh, come on Al, I�m hungry.�

�You ain�t been around Tony. Now you come here and say, Al, cheeseburger?�

�Oh, fuck that Al. Make me a cheeseburger.�

I had a cheeseburger and fries at Al�s and Al told me some things about how it was back in the day before all these outlaws took over.

�I�m getting out of it soon,� he said.

�You selling?�

�Yeah.�

�The block will never be the same.�

�It ain�t been the same for a long time,� Al said and then said, �that was fucked up about Nick.�

�Yeah,� I said.

�You guys were friends.�

�Yeah, the best.�

�Whatever happened to Lisa, that girl he would come in with?�

�I dunno Al.�

�It�s a damn shame.�

�Yup.�

Walking back to my place that night I walked by the place where Nick got murdered. I heard they had to clean the blood off the sidewalk with a fire hose. There was a small crowd of blacks on the corner. I walked over there and asked and they looked at me funny-like. �Who the hell are you?�

�I�m just asking.�

�You look like a cop.�

I told them I wasn�t and they said they didn�t know nothing. Nobody knew nothing. Whatthehell happened to Nick? He just disappeared. He disappeared? Yeah, like he was never here. You ain�t been around, Tony. Where ya been? Around. Huh?

Uptown, the suburbs, a woman. A woman? Yeah, she was good but I wasn�t so good.

Yeah? Too bad, it takes two to tango. Come back around, don�t be a stranger.

I didn�t want to go home; walked back to the junkie girl�s place and knocked. Two guys were fighting outside of Al�s and there was some yelling.

�CUT IT OUT!� I yelled up the block. They didn�t hear, just kept going at it. There was a lot of free-floating hostility in the night air, I heard sirens.

A fire hose. Billy had been down there that morning and said, you wouldn�t believe how much a man could bleed.

I knocked again and yelled, �Bridget!�

When she finally came to the door in her underwear she said, �Everybody left,� and looked up the block. �HEY!� she yelled.

�I tried that,� I told her.

� Mike Boyle
Reproduced with permission