Shane and Dino laughed as they left the pub and jumped into a black cab. This was looking to be an all-dayer. Not surprising really, they hadn't seen each other in a year.
"Hey feel this!" Dino said.
Shane touched his jacket, probing the thick padding. "What?"
"This - feel it!"
It was hard. "What is it?" Shane asked.
Dino whipped out the pistol, put it in Shane's face. "BAM!"
"Fucking hell, D!" Shane said as Dino laughed away.
Dino was admiring the piece in his hand; Shane checking the cabbie behind the shutter hadn't noticed anything.
"Yeah, this is the tool of the streets, man..."
"Is that fucking thing real?" Shane asked. "You're mad."
"...The tool you need these days to earn your bread and take your share." D smiled. "You get me, bruv?"
"Put that thing away."
"I am, bruv, I am," he said. "And of course it's not real. Imitation, ain't it?"
"Thank fuck for that. You're crazy, mate."
"The crazies make all the money, bruv, believe me."
The taxi turned east off Kilburn High Road, heading for Kentish Town.
Funny how things go. A call out of the blue from his old mate Dino and Shane was rescued from another day playing househusband in front of the TV. Being out of work was doing his head in. But if his girlfriend knew he was out with Dino he'd be in untold shit. They'd all grown up together, but that was then; different times. Dino had been inside once or twice and was trouble. Simple as that. Stay away from him, she'd warned, or that's us finished.
But what the hell. They were old mates. A few drinks - what's the problem? Shane had thought.
***
The pub was one of those lone survivors down the backstreets. The kind that get ripped out and turned into flats. The odd bod here and there, a huddle of regulars around the bar. Dino and Shane were sitting by the window, looking out at the estate across the road, Dino leaning close, filling Shane in on the activity ahead. Five minutes work. Easy. The dealer was due at flat 12 at nine o'clock. Inside info; all worked out, no problems. He'd do his drop, come out loaded - they'd jump him. Simple as. Walk away with a grand between them. Maybe more.
"Bruv, I've done this kind of shit enough times," Dino was saying. "There's no worries, man."
"Yeah, but I don't know, D," Shane said, trying to take it all in. "I thought tonight we were just having a few drinks and that."
"Relax, bruv, this ain't nothing, believe me," Dino's Travolta-eyes twinkling away. "You should have seen me and Rambo's lot a few months back. We did this bumpkin post office up Hertfordshire and got chased down the M1. The adrenaline, man! We're shooting up this slip road and the cops skid out of control, hit something and the car flips right over. We were laughing, boy. That was some crazy shit. Only got a couple hundred that time, though. Nothing really. But it's all education, I suppose."
Shane was looking out at the blocks. Reminded him of the kind he'd lived in until his mum and dad separated when he was twelve. They demolished them in the end because of the rats and cockroaches.
"Look, D, I don't really want to get into trouble right now, you know? Can't we just stick around tonight, take it easy?"
"Bruv, fear not," Dino said, a picture of confidence and control. "I'm pro when it comes to simple shit like this. Grab and go, no police. I've done my research on this guy, you get me? I know all about him. Does these little runs on his own, away from his crew. Thinks he's a shrewd businessman when really he's just a scrawny bit of nothing."
"And you know what?" D continued, tapping his jacket. "He'll shit his fucking pants once he sees what I'm packing."
"D, listen, I appreciate it and all that, but I don't think it's worth it. Honestly, mate, I'm not that desperate for the cash."
"Are you serious? Here I am paying for the drinks all day and you're skint, not a bean. That's shameful, bruv. No offence, yeah, but look at yourself - living with Tara, she's off working all day and there's you on the dole bringing home nothing. I'm saying this as a mate, bruv, a woman ain't gonna put up with that shit for long, you get me? Now listen, I'm personally making sure that you go home loaded tonight, no buts. I mean, how long you been signing-on now?"
"Well," Shane shrugged. "Since I was laid off. Six months, I suppose."
"Half a year! Hanging round the house with your feet up while Tara's down the hospital changing bed pans and wiping arse and shit? Fuck, she must be giving you hell, boy."
"Yeah - but I'm not always skint. I do some labouring now and then, on the side."
"Labouring?" Dino laughed. "Digging shit with a pick and shovel - in this day and age? Move on, man!"
"There's nothing wrong with a bit of cash-in-hand now and then," Shane retorted. "Remember me and you, up Kingsbury, that job we did a few years back. We were raking it in."
"For mugs, yeah." Dino shaking his head. "Shane, I've moved on big time. You're standing still, man. Time to think bigger, more global, you know what I'm saying? Britain's the fourth richest country in the world, bruv, and you're talking like you're straight off the boat. Much more smarter ways of making money. Tonight for example - me and you. I mean, Shane, what are you going to do, rely on the dole forever or what?"
"Course not." Shane said, looking left and right, embarrassed. "What do you think I am?"
"It sounds to me like you're just waiting for something to pop into your lap. But let me tell you - It ain't gonna happen. Waste of time. You've got to take action in this life. Me and you need to be getting together a bit more often. I'll get you sorted, believe me."
"No, cheers, mate, but I just want to stay straight right now, you know?"
"Wrong attitude, bruv", D stated, hands forming into a triangle, superior-style. "But I know what the problem is. I had it too, until I opened my eyes. And you know know what it is?"
He left a pause, then continued. "It's growing up with all this working-class work-ethic bollocks. Bullshit conditioning from day one. One big conspiracy to keep the poor down so the rich can have it all. I mean, look at London, man. The likes of me and you getting shafted, priced out like we were shit. You can't just sit on your arse, man. You gotta get out there and take what's yours. And, Shane, I ain't talking about robbing old ladies, you know that. Tonight we're talking about scum. Some prick who deserves all he gets, believe me. I'm going to enjoy doing this cunt."
"Yeah, D, but at the moment..." Then he stopped himself. He didn't want to say. Dino would never understand. Too set in his ways. But Shane was being pushed.
"Look, D, I've got plans" he confessed. "Not definite, but... plans."
"What plans?"
"D, look... I might be joining the Met."
"The Met? Police?" Dino said, aghast. "One of them? Nah, no way?"
"No, seriously. I've applied."
"You? In the police?"
"Well... yeah," Shane said. "Actually it was Tara's suggestion. Since she's become a nurse she's changed, sort of got sensible you know. And when I got laid off she said I should do something proper, and we talked about it. Her cousin's a copper, a good bloke, I've chatted to him and..."
"Whoa whoa whoa! Hang on a minute, let me digest this, man. You - a copper? But you've got a record, haven't you?"
"No, only cautions. That's fuck all. Not an actual criminal record."
Dino was smiling now, baffled at that. "You jammy fucker, keeping your nose clean all these years."
"It's a steady income and interesting work," Shane continued. "It's just what I need. You've got to forget all this them-and-us shit, it's just a job. I mean, you're right, all these dead-end jobs just lead nowhere. I need some stability, mate - you know, for the future and that."
"Well," D said, coming round. "If it's what you really want, bruv. Suppose it would be a laugh chasing crims around all day - if you're not up to your neck in paperwork, that is. And you never know," he said with a wink, "I suppose I could do with someone on the other side, you get me."
Shane laughed. I mean, he was joking, right?
Then he touched Shane's shoulder. "No, seriously. Respect, bruv. I ain't gonna go against what you want to do. You know what, I've got a cousin out in Naples that's a copper. They don't take no shit out there, I tell you. Machine guns and everything. Britain's well behind. The Met kill the odd bod now and then and it's like this big thing, all sympathy for the victim. In Italy you fuck about and it's just Bam, fuck you."
"So, Dino, you know... about tonight?"
"What? No way. You're going home loaded, mate. A favour from me to you. Anyway, you becoming a copper, think of this as a bit of practice. You'll be doing this kind of shit all the time. Alot worse, in fact. Dealing with killers, terrorists, all kinds of crap - and there's you acting gay about going into some flats and.."
"Steady on, I ain't acting gay," Shane said, defensively. "I ain't scared of nothing."
"Good," Dino smiled. "That's the spirit, bruv, that's the spirit."
"I just meant are you sure it's safe, like. That you know about this guy and everything?"
Dino got up to go to the Gents. He put his hand on Shane's shoulder. "Believe me, bruv. Trust me."
Shane took a long gulp of his pint. He had to admit, Dino had a point. If he was scared of jumping some bit of nothing, how would he fare as a copper policing the streets of London? He had to be realistic after all. Maybe he did need the practice. Getting in there at the frontline, feeling the adrenaline, all systems go. And don't forget, it was money in his pocket as well. Just what he needed. I mean, who didn't? Just this once wouldn't hurt anyone, I suppose.
Dino was back with more drinks. He slid Shane a package.
"Here. Boost up, man," nodding back to the bogs, laying out two more beers. "We got to work soon. Need to be sharp for this shit."
"Cheers, D."
Shane chopped out a line on the cistern and tucked straight in. Dino was a good bloke taking the news like that. He'd heard him plenty times through the years saying he hated coppers. Only-good-cop's-a-dead-cop, fuck-the-police and all that shit. But I suppose you grow up. Everyone does. He saw himself passing the test, whizzing through the waiting list, then training-up. Hendon. What a dream. Finally doing something with his life. A career. A profession. For years he'd done fuck all, one job to the next, bollocks the lot of it. It's like what Tara said. You've got to get real. Can't fuck around forever.
He took a piss and thought ahead. Kids. That would be the next thing. Imagine that. Actual kids running about. A proper family. That was his future and he wouldn't spoil it for the world. But today was such a mad day. Mental day. Dino phoning up like that. Sometimes you've just got to go with the flow. Live a little. He zipped up and, fuck it, had another line while he was at it.
"So, are you still doing the doors at Club MOJO?" Shane asked, back at the table, feeling lively.
"Damn right, man," Dino said, hands behind his head, in his element. "I love it. I'd do it for free. Serious. The ladies, man, they love the whole bouncer trip. At the end of the night it's like, hey, take your pick."
"I can imagine, mate, I can imagine," Shane laughed, seeing Dino even more bulked-up prancing about in his Security gear.
"But, Shane," Dino said, leaning in. "I've got plans for the future too, you know what I mean? When I get some big money together I'm going into business. Legit. I've been chatting about it with this guy at the club. Partnership, me and him. Buying a gym. It's possible - you never know. I've always wanted my own gym. No more rip-off membership fees", he said, smiling, patting his biceps. "And think about it - it could be the base for other bits of free enterprising, you get me?"
Then he said, "Hey, why don't you and Tara come down one night. I'll get you in for free, VIP bar and everything?"
Shane nodded, thanked him, but knew it would never happen. Not unless he crept away and went on his own, that is. To Tara the man was a no-go zone.
Shane's phone started sounding. "Shit, that's Tara now. Bollocks," he said. "She must be wondering where I am."
He picked up. "Hi, babe." Dino laughing as Shane moved it from his ear, getting it big style. He gave Dino a face to shut up, then spent an age fobbing her off with total unadulterated bullshit. All said and done, he snapped it shut and exhaled deeply.
Dino was laughing, slapping the table. "She's got you on a leash, man. Ol' Tara, hey? You better watch out, she's got you all leashed up, bruv!"
"No, no, it's not like that," Shane said, uncomfortably. "She's alright."
"Hey, Shane - remember those times we'd all go out together. Me, you, Tara and Donna?" his eyes misting over. "We had nuff good nights out, man. Mental times," shaking his head. Then he turned serious: "But Donna, man. In the end she was just trying to hold me back, getting right on my nerves, always trying to keep me down. But you know me, Shane - none of that, you know what I mean? I told her where to fucking go, I tell you."
Shane nodded but knew it had really been the other way round, Donna dumping him because he'd been caught playing away once too often. Shane remembered the night well. Dino pissed and picking fights with anyone and everyone, half a pub jumping in and doing them both in the end, D worse off and Shane bringing him up the hospital for stitches. But sewn up he was off again, trying to fight a paramedic who he reckoned laughed at him. He ended up nicked.
Then D leaned in: "But in those days I was silly, bruv, you get me? Sometimes I can't believe the shit I used to do. Always getting locked up - all kinds of madness. But you learn. I'm smarter now," he said, nodding over to the estate. "I like to think about what I'm doing these days. Weigh things up, no silly games. Nuff bucks to be had, you know what I'm saying?"
Up the street a bunch of Somalian-looking kids strutted along in the gloom. They stopped by a car, had a quick look around, then smashed the window and grabbed the goods.
"Look at that," Shane said. "Thieving little scumbags."
They watched them scarper off into the dark.
"Well, that's what happens," Dino said, sagely. "Treat the poor like shit and they're gonna take what they need. Human nature. Though doing some other poor fucker's car - that's ignorant, deserves a kicking at least. I mean, if someone went near my car I'd chop their fucking fingers off. But the government are practically inviting these people here. Come on in, welcome to Britain, streets paved with gold and all that shit. False promises. So you've got all these Africans or Albanians or whatever going straight into council flats and pumping out kids like one two three. That's the result. Poverty growing, with the rich just getting richer. London in a nutshell, bruv."
"On the other hand," he continued. "You or I go down the Housing for a flat and it's like - You're born here, these homes ain't for you, fuck off! Skint, jobless, whatever - they don't want to know. It's all political. These government cunts just want to keep things stupid."
"Tell me about it," Shane agreed.
"Ain't fair." Dino went on. "All these Labour cunts up there laughing. I'd like to shoot the corrupt fuckers right between the eyes. I work with this Romanian guy, right, and he reckons over there everyone got so pissed off with their government that one Christmas Day they just went in, dragged out the prime minister and his wife, and pumped bullets straight into their fucking heads - all down on film as well. And I'm like - how come shit like that never happens here?"
Shane laughed along but already felt the stabs of paranoia. He was thinking about later. Seeing it all go wrong. A back-up crew emerging from the shadows. He wouldn't make much of a copper lying in intensive care. Or dead - there's always dead, don't forget that. Tara crying over his coffin, inconsolable. All because he listened to his old mate. Followed along like he always did. Dino already in the next life, proudly laughing down at his own epitaph, admiring the granite carving: DIED LIKE A GANGSTA.
Shane smiled. It was funny really. Silly. It was just the coke. Bringing on the fear, blowing it all up in his brain. Dino was right. Tonight was nothing. Imagine the shit he'd have to deal with out on the frontline. No contest. Fucking hell, this was kids' stuff.
"So when's this bloke due?" Shane asked, perking up.
"Hey - now that's what I like to hear. Enthusiasm." He checked his watch. "He ain't due yet, but keep 'em peeled as they say."
More people had entered the pub, a younger crowd, and the jukebox had been turned up. Dino was rocking his head to an old Prodigy track, talking non-stop as Shane kept an eye on the window.
"...So two Saturday's ago I'm working on the door, yeah, and these two queers get thrown out, one skinny, one muscley, pissed as fuck, won't go home, the big one giving it You're-homophobic-I'm-gonna-sue-you 'cos maybe I'd called him a poof or someshit, his little mate holding him back. And I hate these cocksucking cunts, right, make my fucking flesh crawl. And I think, that's it, I'm not having this. So I start acting all apologetic, like, walking the guy round the corner saying maybe he has a point, when really I'm just getting out of the cameras. Then Bam! Bam! Bam! I've slipped the duster on and broke the guy's fucking face. Man, you should have seen it. Then, I grab an empty wine bottle and say, I want both your fudgepacking arses out of here right now or I'm going to glass your fucking heads open, you troublemaking cunts."
"Can you believe that shit?" Dino said, slamming his hand on the table, laughing, almost in tears.
Dino had always been full of stories. Perhaps they weren't always true, but he certainly lived the life. Oasis came on and Shane remembered how they'd seen them at Knebworth. Must have only been fourteen, fifteen. Fucked out of their heads. It was funny all this - losing touch with someone you've known all your life, then the next minute you're in a pub and it's like a day hasn't passed. Shane thought of when they'd both been suspended for letting down the headmaster's tyres. That was a crack. And another time, when Dino rescued him from a six-onto-one with kids from the rival school, jumping in like a wildman and scattering the lot of them. Funny times. Then he remembered the day that Dino was called out during a lesson. Laughing with the girls at the back and Mr Richards walks in with a grave face, takes Dino with him. His dad had had an accident at work. Crushed underneath a car he was repairing. He was dead.
"Hey, Shane. Did I tell you about that guy Jermaine crucified? You gotta hear this, man. Jermaine comes home one night and there's these two burglars in his flat - all his gold there and everything. Imagine that, two scrawny smackheads out earning their next fix and suddenly there's this big fucking nigger coming at them with a machete."
Dino was laughing away.
"Well, anyway. One of them jumps out the window, two floors down but he's gone. But the other one -" D pursing his lips and shaking his head. "Fucking hell. Jermaine shoves him in the boot and drives him out to this lock-up he has in Wembley. He's phoning everyone, get down here quick, all excited like but he wouldn't tell us what it was. So I drive down there with Big Mickey and the Fonz, out to this barren waste full of derelict factories and shit, expecting something silly, a wind-up or something. Then... fuck. We walk in and, whoa, it's like some kind of bloodbath. Reservoir dogs was nothing on this shit. I ain't lying, this guy was nailed to the fucking wall. Jermaine just standing there grinning with blood all over him. He pulls some kind of mess out of his pocket and we go, What's that? and he goes, The guy's teeth. Everyone looking at each other thinking, Oh fuck.
"But when I heard the story I didn't give a shit. I mean, poking round people's houses? That's low. My mum's gaff was done twice recently by these kind of fucks. She had to lock herself in the bedroom and everything. This generation now, no fucking respect. Jermaine had stacks of booze and coke and everything down there so in the end we just partied. Like, passing round this cricket bat and just going for it, you know? Must have broke enough bones. Guy's a right state and there's us all laughing like cunts."
"Jermaine dumped him back on the street to send the word out, know what I mean? Won't be much burglaries round there for a while I think."
"Hey, is that him?" Shane said, noticing a figure pause by the entrance of the estate, looking left and right.
"What?"
"Out there. Look!"
Dino turned to the window. "Shit. Spot on Shane," he said, impressed. "Man, you probably will make a good copper."
Then fast into mode, D said "Right, then. Let's roll."
***
Out in the night it was cold, breath misting in the air. The estate was like a graveyard, only them and their boy up ahead, entering one of the blocks.
"Right," Dino said. "Hoods up."
"I ain't got a hood."
"Fuck it, then. Don't worry about it."
Passing a skip Dino noticed a bit of steel piping. "Here, take this," he said. "More weaponry, more fun."
They stopped in the shadows, watching the guy walk along the third floor balcony and wait by one of the flats. Then he entered.
"Go! Go! Go!"
Dino did a little trick on the communal door and they headed up, taking position on the third-floor stairs. The lights were broken, but Shane noticed D's eyes glinting through the darkness like they were charged with electricity.
"Right, now we wait," Dino instructed. "He'll be five minutes tops - he won't hang around. Now, when he walks, I'm going to grab the cunt. Simple as. You make sure he doesn't go anywhere."
They waited, the only sound the wind whistling through the concrete and Dino's excited, rabid breathing. Shane was nervously switching the pipe from hand to hand, palms sweating away. He could smell shit. Maybe he'd stepped in it. A dog could have crapped on the stairs. Maybe a human. He remembered a job he'd done once sweeping up estates in Graeme Park. There'd be shit, rubbers, nappies, you name it, some people lived like fucking animals. Then again, he hoped it wasn't coming from his pants.
They heard the door. The footsteps.
"Right, here he comes," Dino whispered, vampire grin.
The boy turned the corner and Dino pounced. He grabbed him, whipped him with the gun, one two three, the sound of smashing teeth reverberating down the stairs. The boy was stunned, face covered in blood. Dino thumped him in the belly and shuffled him down to the half-landing. Slammed him against the wall.
"Right, you cunt, the money now!" he boomed, the gun in his face. He started rifling through his pockets. "Where the fuck is it!"
"It's in the rucksack - in the rucksack," the boy managed, spluttering blood and bits of teeth. He looked a right mess.
Dino passed the bag to Shane who stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide, adrenaline pumping. "Search it, man, go on," D ordered. Shane fumbling with the zips.
Suddenly the boy pushed Dino back and began swinging a blade, making a wide berth.
He dashed between them for the stairs, Dino trying to grab him but getting an elbow in the eye. D shrieked with pain, his hand at his face. The boy was off.
"Catch that cunt!"
Shane dropped the bag and sprung into action. The boy ahead, tumbling and bouncing down the stairs, but eager, picking himself up each time, bounding on. Shane gathered momentum and on the final set he leapt for him. Down they went. Rolling about, flailing and punching. It felt like he was trying to control a wild animal. Shane hoped Dino would get his arse down here quick. He felt the boy's fingers dig into his eyes and howled in pain, thankful when the boy loosened his grip to get to his feet. Shane clutched his face hoping his eyes were both still there.
Then suddenly the boy crashed back down on top of him. He lay motionless. Shane, his sight returning, pushed him aside, confused.
D was standing above sporting a shiner, a bloody knife in his hand.
"I've stuck him with his own blade," he said. "He dropped it on the stairs back there."
Shane stood up. They both stared down at him, a pool of blood forming around his torso, jet black in the murky light.
"Anyway," D said, tucking the knife into one of the rucksack's side pockets. "We've got the dough so let's get the fuck out of here."
They walked fast across the estate, still not a soul in sight, Shane muttering, "Fuck, fuck, fuck," like a mantra as he looked up at the windows for prying eyes.
"Shit!"
Sure enough there was a figure up there, silhouetted in black, but it was hard to tell whether it was looking at them or just staring out into space.
"Wouldn't worry about that, Shane," D said. "No-one will blab round here. They'll think it's gang stuff. Think if they open their mouths they'll get shot. Relax."
"Do you think he's dead?" Shane asked.
"Nah. Course not."
"Are you sure?"
"Course I'm sure. I've been stabbed myself, man. You lose a lot of blood but you don't fucking die. Not in most cases anyway."
They headed off the estate and on through the backstreets.
"Don't you think we should phone an ambulance or something, you know, anonymously?"
"Are you kidding? The fucking commotion we made back there, people are probably swarming around him right now."
Sure enough, within thirty seconds they heard the distant sirens. "See?"
Out on the main road, Dino hailed a black cab. They climbed in. Travelling along he playfully punched Shane on the shoulder. "Talk about crazy shit, man. Can you believe all that back there?" he said, laughing away as he hunched down to shove some coke up his nose, and passing it to Shane.
"D, I'm worried, mate, I'm worried."
"What for? He won't squeal. He won't say nothing. Who's he gonna tell?"
"But what if we've, you know... killed a man?" Shane said, quietly.
"Killed a man?" D repeated. "You know what, if that cunt is dead, then he got all he fucking deserved."
"What do you mean? I know he got you in the face, but..."
"He's a rapist, ain't he. Worse - a fucking paedo."
"What?"
"Yeah. I ain't kidding, mate. I know all about that fucker and his little crew. Those Colindale cunts, all the same. They dragged some 13-year-old girl off the street and raped her, didn't they? Forced her into dropping the charges. Do that kind of shit all the time. All kinds of crap. Think they own the fucking streets. Different generation, man. These people ain't fit for the zoo. I should have chopped his fucking bollocks off while I was at it, done the world a favour, you know what I mean?"
"And after all," Dino continued. "What would he have done to you if he still had the knife in his hand? Think about it."
Then Dino started checking through the rucksack for the loot, talking non-stop, Shane not really listening, he wasn't feeling well, watching the streets spin by faster and faster, totally wired. But at one stage he saw Dino pull a single tenner out of a brown wallet, heard him laugh, then say: "Oh shit."
IAIN SINCLAIR
MICHEL HOUELLEBECQ
J.G. BALLARD
JAMES KELMAN
JOHN FANTE
DAN FANTE
ALAN SILLITOE
