Dear Sir
It has come to my attention that you are consciously parking your car in
front of my house every evening at around six o'clock. Logically this would
coincide with the time a normal person such as yourself might come home from work. I have looked out and seen you from my kitchen window.
Incidentally as my kitchen is in the basement, whenever you park your car in
said place the whole room becomes dark and gloomy. Like a fucking morgue in fact. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you were not
aware of that fact and therefore are not parking with the specific intent of
making me feel less happy. But you might be trying to attract my attention.
As I said I've seen you but only your legs. Not your face. And I have tried
not to form a mental image of you. I get the impression (from your legs) that
your job is not one which demands formal attire. You might run your own
business, or work in a shop - I don't know. I would guess you are somewhere
between 29 and 40 - it's hard to tell just from the legs. You have never worn
trainers but again that does not actually tell me anything. I wear trainers
myself so I know they are comfortable but so probably are the pale brown
Timberlands you seem to favour. By the way I didn't like the loafers.
If I tell you now that I am 38c cupsize you should not take it that I am
trying to interest you sexually. I just felt that as I have been seeing the
lower half of you every day for a month at least, it might be fun if you knew
something about the upper half of me. Having established that I am not
propositioning you is there anything else you would like to know? For
instance am I married? is there a special person in my life who is not always
around? Do I prefer male or female? I cannot answer unless you ask.
The man who used to regularly lean his bike against my dustbin for a period
of about seven weeks showed a certain amount of curiosity in these matters
right from the start. My relationship with him was different from the one you
and I share so far. His hours were different. I never asked him what he did
in the course of the day as my role is not to ask questions. If I ask a
question I feel exposed myself. This should not be interpreted as any lack of
interest. I want to know the answers (desperately) but my secret fantasy is
that you will volunteer the information. Not just let it slip in that lazy
period after you've ejaculated.
Hmmmmm
I am not sure of the exact time when you arrive outside my place in the
morning and drive off. This is because I am still in bed at that hour.
Usually alone and naked, lying face down. But rarely asleep, I lie there
listening.
When you return to park in the evenings, again, I am similarly naked but tend
to be half sitting up in bed watching quiz programmes and the like.
There are a lot of cars a-coming and going in the course of the day, so I
can't be sure which one is yours. If I stood at the window and looked out
this would interfere with our future as I've planned it; you have to make the
next move.
It would be a simple matter for you to adjust your daily routine so that I
become a significant part of it. You would not be required to put in more
than 20 minutes a day as I have milk and newspapers delivered, also the post, although the latter arrangement is petering out. The deliveries are always on time and regular and I would expect you to be also.
If you have any queries about my specialities please do not hesitate to put
them to paper. I will answer them on paper before proceeding to the next
stage, getting a key cut etc. I will tell you everything you want to know.
There is nothing I won't tell you. More than all of me is yours. Please reply
at your earliest possible convenience. Failure to reply promptly or at all
will not signify lack of involvement as far as I'm concerned. Quite the
reverse.
Yours faithfully
The House Owner
� Liz Finch
Reproduced with permission
