Born: 26 November 1951 at the Simpsons Memorial Hospital, Edinburgh. I was brought up in Dalry and Newington and went to the same school as Sean Connery (though not at the same time.) I was a bad boy from 1967 until 1973 but you learn by your mistakes. It's just a shame it took so long, I must be thick. I worked for the railway at Haymarket Depot for 25 years and I'm now a security officer
Q: When/why did you first start drinking in the Tynecastle Arms?
A: I first started drinking in the Tynie in about 1974. My workmates and I rotated from pub to pub to keep one step ahead of the gaffer
Why do you keep going in?:
A: became a regular about 8 years ago when I moved into a flat in Gorgie Road. It's the only pub I know where you can get a good game of nap, as long as Olly doesn't moan too much
Q: What is your favourite tipple?
A: Because I have hep c, my liver is a bit dodgy so I had to stop drinking spirits (voddy and coke.) My poison is now sweet martini, but I have to take some ribbing (honestly, I am not a poof) from my mates
Q: What is your favourite song?
A: My favourite band has to be U2 and their best track is 'Angel of Harlem'. At my funeral, I would like 'Old Red Eyes is Back,' by 'The Beautiful South' to be played
Q: What is your favourite film?
A: 'The Treasure of the Sierra Madre' of course. Humphrey should have got the oscar for it. It's the biggest travesty ever that he didn't
Q: What place in Edinburgh do you think every visitor to the city should see?
A: Just to the south of Edinburgh is the creepiest and most mysterious place on earth - Roslin Chapel in Roslin. It dates back to the 15th century and is referred to in most historical mystery books. If you walk round the grounds, you get the creepiest feeling. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you go all shivery. Also, a visit to the Western Bar in the West Port is an experience you will never forget. For £5 and £10 (I don't know what you get for the £5) a beautiful, buxom young lady will bare all and enthusiastically lap dance in a private cubicle just for you. If you indulge, you can't help noticing the deep grooves half way up the back wall, made by the dancers' high heeled shoes
Q: What don't you like about Edinburgh?
A: Watching bus loads of Celtic and Rangers supporters leaving Edinburgh to support a Glasgow team pisses me off. They must be the most bigotted so-called football supporters going. I'm sure if they realised they were going all the way to Glasgow to shout religious garbage and not to watch a football match, they might go down to Easter Road and support a good team or even go to Tynecastle for a laugh
TAM'S 5 PET HATES
Not many things annoy me because I’m really an easy going type of guy but some things just get on your tits.
1. When you visit someone and you have to make your own cup of coffee, you unscrew the top and they have'nt cleared the silver paper from the top of the jar. You put the teaspoon through the hole in the silver paper and load your spoon with coffee , but by the time you get out the jar half the coffee goes back in the jar. I’m sure the miserable bastards do it intentionally.
2. I love salt and shake crisps, they are much fresher without the pre-salting, but sometimes after smashing all the crisps to tiny morsels trying to find the salt bag you realise they forgot to put one in. BASTARD!!!!
3. Have you ever tried to get a doctors appointment within the next 2 months? It’s impossible. I could get an audience with the pope easier and I’m protestant.
4. I don’t know about you but when I go into my e mail inbox I’m bombarded with offers of penis enlargements, free university diplomas and even blow up dolls for sale. What annoys me most is how they know I need a penis enlargement.
5. Now on a Sunday afternoon I have a wonderfully relaxing time in the Tynie Arms. We play cards until 2 o’clock then the domino handicap then back to the cards. Everyone in the pub is quietly doing there own thing ie watching the racing, or the footy or yapping about fishing or politics, maybe even Hearts (boring subject) and then the only female in the pub THE BARMAID decides to put the juke box on and her choice of music is crap everyone starts talking louder to be heard and before you know it I have a sore head. Someone please shoot the barmaid.
TAM'S 5 FAVOURITE BOOKS
Laura asked me to pick a subject that I enjoyed and decide on my top five. At first,I thought of sexual positions but on reflection I’m getting a bit old and these days any position will do. I will though give a bit advice to anyone whose sex life is a little stale at the moment "TRY ICE!" The next bit has been edited by Laura so if you want to know more, e.mail me and I'll tell you. Now I have cooled down I will choose my top five books
1. ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ – Ernest Hemingway
2. ‘No Mean City’ – A McArthur
3. ‘The Hobbit’ - J R Tolkein
4. ‘QBV11’ - Leon Uris
5. ‘Animal Farm’ – George Orwell
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To visit the offficial website of The Beautiful South click image
Click image to read about 'Treasure of the Sierra Madre' on Filmsite.org, or to check availability on Amazon, click here
Click image to read about Ernest Hemingway at the Oak Park Foundation website, or to read reviews of 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' click here
Click image to enter an excellent site dedicated to Tolkein's classic, or to read and add reviews click here
Click image to read about Leon Uris, or for books by Uris on Amazon, click here
For the political writings of George Orwell on abattoir.com, click the image, or to read and add reviews of 'Animal Farm,' click here
