Q: When/why did you first start drinking in the Tynecastle Arms?

A: I was about 17 at the time. My mates were a wee bit older than me so I just followed the team

Q: Why do you keep going in?:

A: It's my local - a half-way house between my house and Tynecastle School, where I've been janny for 24 years. Prior to that, I was in the Royal Core Signals for a while and was in Germany when Celtic won the European Cup. 1968-74 I was in Germany, then in Northern Ireland from 1972-74. We had to wear our uniforms all the time because we were in the Signals. I used to have to wear it to go to courses in Bavaria and Heidelberg. It was good to get out the camp though. No wonder folk go fucking awol. That's a fact. Then, when I left the army I became a driving instructor - DOT approved, until I got banned from driving. When I first became a janitor, there were 350 applicants and only 6 were taken on. I was one of them. My first post was at St Augustine's, then I applied for the post of boiler man at Tynie and got that job. I liked the boilerman job as I could walk away at the end of the day. I stuck at that for a while, to get experience, then eventually ended up permanent janny. To this day, I'm still fucking here eh. I can't change my lifestyle but I do like my bosses and I like my work. If possible, I'll stay down the school

Q: What's your favourite tipple?

A: Used to drink OVD rum all the time, but I've been off it now for 2 weeks. Now I drink 70/- to help get my taste buds back. The bar must be noticing a right drop in their profits recently

Q: What's your favourite film?

A: It was in black and white. I cannae mind the name. It's about a guy that gets sent to an asylum. He was a well-to-do man who'd lost his memory. He went for fags, then his memory came back. He inherited a big building. His secretary falls in love with him and he falls in love with her. He does a runner from the asylum and goes back to the shop he got the fags, where he met her for the first time and all of a sudden, his disappeared memory comes back. She's been looking everywhere for him. She goes to the shop and he's there. It's a classic

Q: What is your favourite song/band?

A: In the 50's, it was Perry Como and Ruby Murray. In the 60s and 70's I like The Beatles, the Stones, Tamla Motown and all the stupid groups that made good records at the time - Peter and Gordon, Status Quo etc. I remember when I was in the army in 1968 there was a great rivalry between the Beatles and the Stones. My favourite record is probably 'Jumping Jack Flash' or 'Brown Sugar'

Q: What part of Edinburgh should every visitor coming to the city see?

A: I like the Underground City up the High Street, although there's not much there. Just derelict buildings. Also, the Castle, St Margaret's Well and the Parliament Square to see where the last man was hanged, outside the Sheriff Court

Q: What don't you like about Edinburgh?

A: The Council Tax. I'm in a Council House so already pay the Council for that. Don't see why I should have to pay both. They've brought nothing to me yet. The Council Tax just ends up paying for all the politics of the last few months (Scottish Parliament elections) and all that shit that comes through your door, then they sew up their pockets when it comes to spending it on the local people

Derek's 5 Favourite Things

1. My grand-kids - Dylan, Darren, Christopher, Brandon and Rebecca
2. My own kids - Kerry, Donna and Sean
3. Walking around Gorgie when I'm late for work and everyone stopping to talk to me that I haven't seen for ages, making me even later
4. Going down to my work
5. Ma cockateel. It flew out the fucking windae. I've lost ma fucking cockateel. It was sitting on the window and that bastard Willie scared it away because he thought it was a pigeon. He got his fucking freedom, but he'll probably be deid by now. I'll get another one in 5 weeks. I'm lonely. I bought myself a rubber doll from Humberside. The batteries cost more than the rubber doll. I'm still not used to it though - any offers? The cockateel was called Kim, but if you looked at the backwards, going out the window it was called Mick. Fucking Irish, eh?