laurahird.com

INGREDIENTS

Serves: 6 drunks


3 Raw Beetroots, finely grated (finger flakes optional)


1 Onion, sliced and chopped


Quarter of a small red cabbage, finely grated (again, watch your fingers. The vivid colour from both the beetroot and cabbage can often disguise the fact that you are haemorrhaging and have a stump where your thumb used to be)


900ml (1.5 pints) of Vegetable or Chicken Stock


A good squeeze of Lemon Juice


1 teaspoon of sugar


Half teaspoon of freshly ground Black Pepper


1 tablespoon finely chopped chives


140ml (quarter pint) Soured Cream (Natural Yogurt if you are that way inclined)








First tasted borscht in Russia in 1999 when I was over in Moscow and St Petersburg on a wonderful trip with the British Council. I've loved it ever since, along with Stoli Vodka, which also makes me frequently nostalgic





food image © vegetabulous.com




FINGER-BY-FINGER BORSCHT WITH LAURA


1. Put the beetroot, onion, cabbage, grated fingers and stock into pan

2. Boil then lower heat and simmer, uncovered, for 20 minutes

3. Pour yourself a shot of Stoli, knock it back, take a big sniff over the pan, to simulate bracing rush of Russia

4. Add lemon juice and seasoning

5. At this point you can either blend the soup, or leave it as it is - rustic. Also, eat it hot or cold. I prefer hot as it really helps to clean your tubes. For this reason, have box of hankies nearby

6. Sprinkle chives to taste and a swirl of soured cream, or for the misguidedly healthy, the aforementioned yogurt

7. Wash your disfigured hands in Dettol and apply plasters, bandages accordingly

8. Have another glass of Stoli

9. And another

10. And another

11. Dance out of house singing Russian folk songs and find the nearest open pub

12. Return from pub and spend the next 6 months trying to clean the purple dye from the beetroot and cabbage off your kitchen surfaces/utensils/towels/clothes/walls/floor/fingernails

For extra Russian authenticity, use thyme instead of chives. They seem to have it everywhere. Every time I smell thyme, it reminds me of my time in Russia. Ditto, my breath on a Saturday and Sunday morning



USEFUL RUSSIAN PHRASES AFTER BORSCHT AND STOLI HAVE BEEN CONSUMED


Спасибо - Thank-you

Очень вкусно - Very tasty

Vy ochen' krasivy - You are very beautiful

Tseluyu - I kiss you

Можно примерить? - May I try it on?

ËÎÆÈÒÅÑÜ - Lie down

ÑÄÀËÈ ËÈ ÂÛ ÌÎ×Ó - Have you urinated?

Мне, пожалуйста, пива - I would like a beer, please

Otyebites - Fuck off



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